Being Kind and knowing when to say "No." It can be tough out there



I was raised to always be kind to people and it always saddens me when I see others being rude. I always want to say to them, I know your Mom must have raised you better than that- - or whoever raised you- - must’ve raised you better than that! Hi Mom!


Okay okay okay…I think everyone has been rude at one point in their lives and I also know that sometimes people just have bad days- we are all walking in our own shoes and you don’t know what the other person is going through. So where’s the line? When is it warranted and when is it just NOT okay? I think everyone has different thresholds, but I think that if we try to lead with kindness, then we are in a much better place than not.


Whatever you do, more than likely you communicate with someone. It may be customers, your boss, colleagues- but there’s always someone you have to communicate with. I would like to think that I’m an extroverted introvert. I was raised as an only child, even though I have a half brother and sister, I was raised by myself. I had friends and family surrounding me, but I loved my alone time. I loved just being by myself and not worrying about others. I didn’t really open up until I was in High School and found the safety of close friends to be myself with.


I carry a lot of that into my work today- I love the behind the scenes aspects of my job BUT I love my clients and the time I get to spend with them so much- because it’s balanced. I have been very fortunate to have amazing clients, but I have learned to trust my gut. Remember someone telling you, always trust your gut…well, they’re right.


When I started in Real Estate I had a client that I was so excited about, but unfortunately it didn’t work out. I got texts and calls at all hours of the day and night and it borderlined harassment when the negative comments were pointed at me. I think, for me, that’s where I started realizing that I couldn’t help this person. Now, look, I work through difficult situations all the time- that’s my job. If I mess up, I own it and fix it and if something happens outside my control, I go through multiple scenarios and even brainstorm with colleagues before even presenting anything to my clients. I want to be prepared and make sure I see as many options as possible. Sometimes, rarely, crazy stuff happens in Real Estate- or in this situation- nothing happens because the market wasn’t moving fast at that time and it was communicated beforehand.


I started losing sleep, which I do in a lot of cases, because I am so focused on making sure my clients are happy- but in this case, it was because my client saw me as the enemy and it was a lot of negativity being consistently focused on me. I knew I wasn’t making my client happy and I knew that I started to really dislike what I was doing. We had a long heart to heart and I let my client know that my goal…was their happiness and if I wasn’t giving that, then I am sure someone else could and that’s what I wanted. We walked away amicably with each other, but I know that left me with a lot of PTSD afterwards. Before taking the listing, I felt like it wasn’t the right fit and I didn’t say NO because I was eager and wanted to work. I should have trusted my gut.


Fast forward to a couple years later and I was selling a property that I loved loved loved my client- she reminded me of my Grandmother and I wanted to do all I could to make her experience the best I could. It went great and she was so happy…which is always what I want, so I was extremely happy! The neighbor from the same community came to chat with me and asked if I could assist with the sale of his property. I went over to view it and something didn’t feel right- in a way, I didn’t even want to go in. That was weird for me, but it was the same feeling that I got from my previous client.


I listened and observed what he was saying and when I asked questions, I didn’t get answers and it was a three hour conversation- and after, I didn’t get any of my questions answered. When he would call, it would be the same situation or his voicemails would be over five minutes long…I didn’t even know you could leave a voicemail that long. My gut was saying not to do it, so I had to trust that and recommend to him to find another agent that could assist him. Trust me, I never want to say no to helping someone in RE, but I had to decline. I am a big energy type person- the little bit of hippy in me- but I trusted what I was feeling and I trusted my gut.


I don’t mean to tell you negative stories, as I am sure with anyone’s profession, you have negative experiences and the good far outweigh any of the bad. I wanted to share to encourage people to always be kind- for the most part, no one wakes up and thinks- I am going to be a mean person today and try to be rude to someone. Kindness goes a long way and I always give it, even if it’s not being given back. Remember your worth and trust your gut, sometimes saying NO is the right thing to do. When I say “NO” it’s definitely not like a four year old saying NO, it’s a respectful exchange declining to something I am not able to give or provide. For everyone, I am sure it will be different- but focus on being kind and you can’t go wrong. I would rather live and surround myself with people who are optimistic and full of positive energy, what about you?


Thanks for reading. R



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